Idea: First lines for Mormon fiction

I like writing first lines for stories. They aren't 'real' first lines, of course. That is, I don't intend to turn them into stories. They encapsulate, say too much (some of it said in what isn't said). They tend to be glib and even humorous. Think of them as short-short stories but without the story or with a story that you supply. Or something like that. At any rate -- enjoy! And add your own (in the comments section) if reading them causes your own creative juices to stir.

As with all posts in AMV's 'Idea' series, I throw these out in to the Mormon Zeitgeist for the good of all. If for some crazy reason you want to grab one of these lines and create a work of fiction from it, you are free to do so. And if you do -- you should e-mail me about it so I can talk about it here.

First lines for Mormon fiction:

1. Melody was sick of being a 'sweet spirit.'

2. Elder Thatcher's companion strongly believed in the 'baptize 'em all -- let the branch president sort 'em out' school of missionary work.

3. The first thing Charles noticed when he entered the cultural hall was the table heavy-laden with dishes of bubbling funural potatoes, tops crisp and brown with bread crumbs, corn flakes or crushed potato chips, steam curling off them like prayers.

4. The Toole Seventh Ward was the proud owner of the only bishop in the Church who could get away with wearing an earring and full beard (and, yes, the stake president knew about it).

5. It took 12 tries to baptize Lucy, but as with most thing she didn't complain and instead took it as a sign from on high.

6. Thurston Bingsley was truly a man without guile -- unfortunately he didn't have much of anything else either.

7. They carried her kicking and screaming out of the Church Office Building and dumped her ceremoniously on the sidewalk.

8. Gary had long passed the point of being a 'danger to society' and was well on his way to being a full on menace.

9. Bishop Slater took a minute to mull things over but then hastily picked up the phone -- this time Sister Evans had gone to far.

10. "Pack up," said Hyrum to his pregnant wife and six young children. "It's time for the trek back to Missouri."

11. Not many people know this, but, done correctly, scrapbooking is a contact sport.

12. So far as he could tell -- or as far as a Google search could tell -- Jimmy was the first person in the world to crack the secret message hidden among the pages of the July Ensign.

13. "Hey, I like Jello salad," she said. "And flower print dresses with lace collars. And needlepoint versions of the Salt Lake Temple."

14. Mahonri Moriancumer Meeks really wanted to accept the position with the FBI, but he really wished they hadn't made the offer conditional on him changing his name.