7.21.2004

News: The most Mormon video game ever (so far)

With a story by Orson Scott Card and a soundtrack by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Majesco's upcoming action-adventure game Advent Rising appears to be the most Mormon video game ever -- or at least until I complete my Doom mod "Porter Rockwell: Avenging Angel" [That's a joke. I've played, like, five minutes of a trial version of Doom. And while I have a vague sense of what a "mod" is, I have no idea how to go about creating one].

According to a July 20 column by USA Today tech writer Marc Saltzman:

"[T]he premise behind Advent Rising involves a galaxy of races who believe messiahs will soon come to bring peace to the universe. These saviors are thought to be a powerful and ancient people — known as humans. The Seekers, a war-hungry race, believe humans are more than a myth and see them as a threat. Under the guise of benevolent explorers, the Seekers launch a campaign to locate and destroy human colonies."

I'll leave any possible Mormon doctrine parallels (family history work?) to enterprising priesthood holders looking to justify their gaming habits to disapproving wives. I will only note, that the games point of view character -- the character whom the player controls -- is named Gideon.

REJECTS: Jokes don't come naturally to A Motley Vision -- that's why he has a crack team of writers to crank them out for him, including the Porter Rockwell one above. In the spirit of DVD extras [but without the lame actor-standing-in-front-of-a-green-screen clips and annoying director/actor commentaries], A Motley Vision offers up the following Mormon-themed game rejects:

1. SIM City 8: Colorado City
2. God's Army: The Video Game [Tag-line = "Gotta dunk 'em all!" Game play features missionaries trying to find and baptize golden contacts while avoiding over-zealous APs and bible-bashers. Bonus points are awarded for successfully pulling practical jokes on rival elders]
3. NuAm: The Game of Multi-level Marketing
4. Dance Dance Revolution: The Mormon Expansion Pack [All the songs feature one dance move repeated ad nauseum: Right arrow. Left arrow. Right arrow. Left arrow. (that's a reference to the Mormon shuffle -- you know, that thing at youth dances where you step to the right and then back and then to the left and back -- it's the only 'fast' dance most of us white, suburban, Mormon kids know)]
5. Food Storage! [How many barrels of wheat can you stuff in your garage before your crazy, survivalist brother-in-law forces more on you?)]